Kids say the darndest things

Music: I Need Love - Robin Thicke

I nanny for a family that has three kids, two girls ages 10 and 9, and a little boy who is 4. I arrived on Wednesday morning when this dialogue between me and little boy occurred:

"Why don't you take your coat off?" I was wearing a jacket that was more like part of my outfit than an article for warmth.
"Well, it's not really that kind of coat," I replied. He looked at me blankly.
"It's ugly," he said finally, turning back toward his Apple Cinnamon Cheerios, spooning them messily into his mouth and down the front of his shirt.

Oh kids.

But anyway. I subbed at Pioneer on Friday and the teacher left me the most extensive lesson plans I have ever seen. Thorough, yes; easy to execute, no. I managed to get everything done that she wanted to get done, but more in my own way than in the way she wanted it done. Eh she'll never know the difference. I have to roll my eyes at teacher who leave lesson plans like this. Not having any idea who is coming in to sub, how can they expect everything done in the way they described? Substitutes are pretty much just there to take attendance, pass out worksheets, and issue bathroom passes. Not to "teach" anything. I love to teach, I really do, but it throws me for a loop when I expect a day of reading a book while the class does a worksheet, only to find that I actually have to do things. It makes me sound lazy, but still. It's one thing to be prepared to be up in front of the class doing things than to be blindsided with complicated lesson plans in a subject you're not familiar with.

A scatterbrained entry

Music: Sex and the City theme song

Wouldn't it be great if we all came with chargers, like cell phones? Like if you were feeling run down emotionally, physically, spiritually, academically, mentally....all that...that you could just plug yourself into the wall and sit for an hour and emerge completely brand new?

Nothing is really new...I changed up my workout and I think it will probably be better for me. I worked out so hard that I thought I might puke right there in the cardio room but I didn't. I also tried scallops...my sister made them at her dinner party. They were pretty good! I've had more seafood in the last two months than I have had in my whole life combined.

We saw something really sad the other night...there were two deer in our backyard, and our backyard isn't that big so it's not like they were off in the distance. The first one came out of the woods and just walked slowly across the yard, and then the second one slowly came out, limping. It only had three legs :( The fourth leg looked like it had been severed halfway or something. It was so sad. It took it like 10 minutes to make it across the yard. It was heartbreaking.

Happiness?

Music: Melting - Tristan Prettyman

Do you ever feel like you're not really living? Like, not in the 'carpe diem' sense, but in the actual biological sense? Lately I've been feeling like both. I don't have the energy or emotional capability right now to live like how every high school yearbook tells you to live, but I also seem to float in and out of days feeling like nothing more than a blob of cells. I know I'm broken down. I know I'm worn out. All my strength is zapped by personal things right now, and so I don't have any left to really care about or react to the unimportant events of daily event. It's like being numb...except not really. I still feel intense emotions. I don't think I'm explaining this well at all. But that's kind of how I feel sometimes. I've also realized that I am somebody whose happiness is dependent on my circumstances. Like, I've realized that I never played a hand in my own happiness. Sure, I made choices that ended up leading to me feeling content in some way, but I have never chosen happiness. I have never deliberately chosen to feel happy. It either happened or it didn't, depending on the circumstances. This thought scares me, because 1. Have I placed my happiness and well-being into the fickle hands of life, itself a changing force that will undoubtedly serve me up a fair share of good and bad circumstances? And 2. Is it really even possible to choose happiness? To choose to be content and joyful in life, even when the circumstances are your worst nightmare? And do we gain anything by being happy or unhappy?We talked a little about happiness in my bible study the other week. I said that I thought there is a difference between happiness and joy. Happiness, I said, is a mood that happens based on when things in your life are pleasing, while joy is more of an overall sentiment that comes from somewhere deeper, namely faith in God. I have had some of both...which is better? Because I have been unhappy but have had joy at the same time, and vice versa. Right now I don't think I have either. I hate it...I don't feel like myself. I used to be more joyful, and it's hard to come to grips with the fact that maybe I have control over it. And I don't want control over it because I'm too worn out to try to choose anything. What do you think?

Back in town

Music: In Repair - John Mayer

I'm back in town now from Mississippi. It was a really fun trip...probably the most fun church related thing I have done in years. If you want to see pictures, I've been tagged in some on facebook. Don't be alarmed by my startling appearance - I didn't do my hair and makeup for a week and I was doing manual labor. I untagged myself in the more unfortunate ones. But anyway, I'm glad I went. Great weather, great people, great food. I even tried crawfish. Sort of.

Still no word from grad schools, I'm getting more antsy by the day. If this lady calls me back, I have a job interview today in Northville. I think I might do some shopping at orchard lake afterwards. I also have a potential nanny job lined up. I'm subbing tomorrow at King, my old elementary school, which should be interesting and hopefully fun times. That's pretty much all that's new around here. I got my visa bill for the past month and I only spent $97.83, when my monthly budget is $200; I'm proud of myself. I went out to dindin yesterday w/Kristie and Lynn. We went to Los Tres Amigos, which I thought would be really bad, but turned out to be amazing. Their fried ice cream was a little subpar though. But anyways, nothing else is new here. Just thought I'd update on those things.